The inconclusive conclusion

Weelll I thought about it you know. What my last post would be about, the piazzas, pizzas and people it would portray, what delights would be described and what lows listed. But life got in the way of creative writing and turned it into dull boring writing so I put it off indefinately. I thought I would write when I had something exciting to report but then again, I had to wait for something interesting to happen.

And then you know, I started to date the guitarist in the band(s), went to a lot of aperetivos and had drinks with all my lovely new-found friends, spent a couple of days networking at work, was under the impression that I was going to go to Sudan, had said field assignment cancelled, was recommended for a new job at Rome HQ, flew back to Sweden and had forty cups of excellent tea, met my darling friends, had a telephone interview and was informed that if everything goes according to plan I'll be back in Rome in a couple of weeks, this time with a job.

How's that for an interesting report?

So ragazzi, boys and girls, relatives and friends, it seems that this chapter on Rome is far from finished. The same can't be said for this blog though, and now it is time to say arrividerci. Thanks for listening!

All the best,
/D

It's like, really nice

Saturday was gorgeous and without a cloud in the sky. The sun was shining, birds yelling, children playing, old folks smiling and holding hands.. And I was severely hung over. I got up had a walk around Garbatella, squinting in the sunlight while talking about architecture on an empty stomach. Went home, fell asleep again, was rudely awakened by a phone call from my dear mother (I lied and said I was outside, sorry Mum!) and then threw my sorry self into the busy chaos that is Rome on a sunny Saturday.

In short I had a great weekend and I am STILL dog tired!

Friday night tired

Tired as a dag, dog tired. Really tired. And I haven't even left work yet. And now it's aperetivos and bars and beers and maybe dancing before home to my sweet bed.

I have one week left at work and people are starting to give me pitying glances because I'm leaving without any immediate prospects of an immediately promising career. I could do with sympathy yes but the pity I'd rather do without!

Oh well va bene.. I'm looking forward to sleeping late tomorrow. Ciao ragazzi!

The senses

In these overly cerebral intellectual times there is something to be said on focusing on the experiences relayed by the senses. What you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste can have a profound effect on your perception of the world, and can transform a despondent mood into a hopeful one.

What I’m looking forward to hear:
The Swedish language
My mother talking to me from another room
Seagulls in Gothenburg
My mobile phone beeping with text messages
The radio

What and who I’m looking forward to see:
Friends!
My mother
Swedish TV
Newspapers
Gothenburg
Clean streets
Frost
Cafés
My books
My CDs
My flat
My oven

… to taste:
Sweets
Bad coffee
Cinnamon rolls
Potatoes
Sushi
Indian food
Sandwiches
Good bread
Beer
Semlor

… to smell:
Clean air
Sea breeze
My mum’s cardamon cake, freshly made (hint hint)

… to touch:
My things
The hands of my friends

I was, after a random inquiry on my part today, informed that my unit here at work cannot offer me a consultancy at the end of my internship. So, unless something were to appear as if by magic, it seems that I'm going home in about two weeks. It's disheartening news, not because I don't want to go home, but because now I have to deal with a lot of immediate problems, mainly in the shape of bills. It would have been nice, no great, to have a job here at WFP. But we'll see.

Can't write more now, got to rehearse some songs for tonight's jamming session.
Ciao

Band camp

Practicing with my supervisor's band tonight. Practicing with the other, secret band on Wednesday. I love it - finally something creative and fun!

Last weekend was full of exercise and culture as I walked in Villa Borghese and down Via Appia Antica (the Regina Viarium if case you wonderered). Two days of blazing sunlight isn't to be poo poo'ed! The evening's I spent exhausted in front of Jane Austen's Persuasion, Emma, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey and the film Becoming Jane (about and not by Ms Austen). I know speak with a silly inflection and say things like "indeed Mr So and so..". All in all a terrific weekend.

Gotta go, ciao!

Boys boys boys

Email exchange between myself (i.e. D), S and M. Please note the fantastically sarcastic use of UN discourse and jargon in our emails!

D: [The lunch with G]... was a big massive bore. Talked about work. He got called away on business. Ended up hanging out with V - not really the reason I ironed my blouse this morning..

There you go - the extent of my romantic life
--
S: ...well, could also be that he is talking about work to impress you...he is quite successful within his domain you know...
--

D: Urgent reminder to Ms Joumal

-- -- - - - pls stop encouraging the kamikaze-like thoughts and romantic notions in Ms Bresky's head. G is either
a) gay
b) not interested
c) all of the above

and D needs to stop this wishful thinking and join an online dating agency or something like it.
--

S: Dear Ms Bresky, pls see further clarification below.

The purpose is not to encourage you to feel, do, or think anything...Guys are not always super confident, and as far as I know, he is quite shy. So, there could be alternative explanations to those on your list.

Nonetheless, no matter where he stands, join one of those sites...increase your pool of options!! :)

Ciao bella
--

D: Dear HQ reviewer Ms Joumal,

I thank you for your input. However, there are still matters of concern that require your immediate action.

i) Pls refrain from reminding me about guys in general.
ii) Pls recommend a dating site.
iii)Pls do not reflect upon the apparent lack of logic of (i) and (ii)
--

S: Dear D,

I am afraid I won't be able to provide input requested under ii) as you already know, the extent of MY romantic life is even more limited than yours...
--

D: so let's join a dating site AND a support group together ;)
--

M: Dear S and D,

Please excuse the absence from my email limiting my apparent concern for these matters.

Point 1: Wake up you two! Boys are silly, stupid, ill informed and blind. (in no order and not mutually excluding other adjectives)

i. So D - keep working it. G may/may not comprehend the good things coming his way... but either/or refer to point 1.
ii. D and S - you two do not need internet dating to spice things up... next weekend lets go find nice boys (or fun ones who do not work for the UN) but don't get all excited remember point 1.
iii. And if 'support group' is code for friends eating, drinking, dancing, hanging out, having fun and being there for each other... sign me up too.

love you lovely ladies..

Dear Auntie

Thank you for your concern! Yes I haven't written in a while and that's due to a toxic combination of increased workload, facebook, sunshine and a general lack of creativity. Last week at work was all about sappy Valentine's Day nonsense and last weekend I was stood up by a guy I kind of fancied so I wasn't in a jolly mood.

This day finds me grinning in front of my computer, thanks to silly Swedish songs on Youtube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1wBddJgqKE&feature=related

Cheers

Que sera sera

It's been an absurd day. But entertaining. The head of the World Bank was at WFP today, and his presence sparked a tonne of silly emails flying around the place, mainly about us throwing shoes at him. And then I had a meeting with The Boss, about my imminent future here. I'm microscopically hopeful. And to top it off the sun came out, and while basking in the warmth and the light after lunch I was approached by a guy who suggested drinks after work. It's the guy I have a crush on! Of course it's not going to be just me and him, and of course I really don't think he's straight, and of course he might just blow me off but hey, I haven't given up hope just yet.

So I'm good. How about you?

timewasters inc.

Abandon hope of doing any work at all, all ye Facebook members! Today I joined that blasted community and sweet baby Jesus (or dolce bambino Jesú as the Italians say) I find myself completely sucked in. I haven't done a lick of work today and it's just getting worse.

Maybe you expect a long explanation/diatribe about when and how I changed my mind vis-à-vis Facebook but to tell you the truth I don't have the time for it since social networking has made me lag behind in my work. Gotta a motherload of reports to read, see ya (preferably not on Facebook, please!).

Explicit content

Finally my computer is up and running again. The temporary solution to my longterm problem was apparently to move desk - to take my laptop and sit somewhere else in the office. The "somewhere else" turned out to be my former boss' desk so now I enjoy a window view ladies and gentlemen! The technician who set this up yesterday just wandered into our part of cubicle heaven and I, seeing the answer to my woe, launched myself at him and wouldn't let him go without fixing my computer troubles first. He swore a lot, but he pulled us through. Apparently all the ingeniousness the Italians don't spend on say, fixing the debilitated infrastructure or the corrupt politics, they use for swearing.They talk about bodyparts and fornication habits which seem to include not only relatives, but dead relatives. It was fun to watch all the native Italians in the office wince at torrent of words all brought forth by in "internal error or incorrect ipconfig" or whatever.

Work is OK. I've started the mental count-down to the end of my internship; can't really tell whether I'm looking forward to the end or not..

Ciao people

Mostly cloudy

dammit it's one of those days when I let everything get to me - the cancelled band practice, the stupid malfunctioning computer, the gray rain clouds and the uselessness of trying to get a job in the building.

it's a shame that I almost always write when something's wrong and not vice versa, cause it gives a crappy impression of my life here abroad and it also just makes me sink deeper into a bog of self-pity and whiny complaint.

well.

That's the spirit (not!)

The title to this post is my middle sister's reaction to a dispirited email I sent to her this morning. It's a long story; and it involves a meeting with the Chief of the Climate Change unit in Policy here at the agency; my hopes and fears for the future; my inherent pessimism and cowardice when daring to dream.
The meeting went as well as to be expected when an intern out of the blue meets a busy important chief to beg for a job. I mean, he was polite. I really want to join his team. He said he'd let me know, and that in the meantime I should apply for JPO - a Junior Professional Officer, i.e. someone sent from a donor country, paid by that donor country (cheap labour for the agency, expensive for Sweden). The JPO prospect doesn't seem that appealing and naturally I just assume that I'm too underqualified for it(you know what they say about 'assume' - it makes an ass of u and me..).
He wasn't sure he had room for anyone else on his team but he would keep my resume on hand just in case.

I can't expect anything more so ... I can't think of anyway to finish that sentence, I'm too tired.
Ciao people

In a good mood, happy, content

It’s raining outside and I am at my desk, reading through a hundred thousand identical reports. The work becomes bearable because I’m in a good mood; listening to Beatles’ Blackbird and humming to myself.
The drummer in my supervisor’s band just surreptitiously contacted me and asked if I wanted to sing in another band too. They’re just a bunch of happy amateurs but guess what, so am I, and right now the emphasis is on the word ‘happy’. At this moment I’m wondering how I am going belt out Nobody’s wife by Anouk (the band’s choice, not mine) and still keep my trademark cool (it's an awful song, really).

I’m also happy because I spent a good weekend with M; and to top it off yesterday a package from my sister A arrived at work, filled with Jane Austen DVDs! Since I have no computer able to play them I am for now content with just reading the blurbs and reviews on the back of them.

M in Rome

My friend M is more than occasionally a wonder of efficiency and energy - but last weekend saw her bedridden and slower than usual. Due to an infection on her part we met half-way, energetically speaking. We ate, walked, talked, slept and generally tried to solve life's agonies over a pizza slice or three. Nice!

Starting Monday morning with rejection

"Dear Ms.Blablabla,

Thank you for completing the UNV application. Based on the information you have provided and the current demand for volunteer services, it is unlikely that we will be able to offer you a UN Volunteer assignment in the near future. We will, however, keep your information for at least six months in case there is a change in opportunities."

Applying for jobs on the net is a simple, straight-forward task. Too bad that the rejection is immediate too. Didn't they even want to consider me?

And M is coming to Rome tonight!

It's beautiful
outside
the smokers
on their coffee break
revel in the sunshine
business
is tedious
but I'm deliriously happy
did I mention
It's beautiful
outside?

Applying myself

I'm writing a application letter to show my eagerness to work at the Nordic Council of Ministers. I hate writing those things, which is ironic since I'm morbidly interested in rhetoric which is all about presentation of self. I loathe the whole exercise because it all seems like a blatant lie: I don't know what I want to do, be, make, attain - so how could I communicate the false assertiveness and drive that these letters seem to demand? By carefully tailoring the truth, that's how.

Oh yes I've always wanted to work for you ever since I heard about you last Tuesday.

Coming clean

I’m in denial. I repeat the same pattern over and over and it wasn’t funny the first time and it’s definitely not funny now.

I’m in denial. I repeat the same pattern over and over and it wasn’t funny the first time and it’s definitely not funny now. See this is what I do. I scrimp and I save and I get by on lentils and quiet evenings at home; I fade out of the going-out-for-drinks-crowd and I tell myself that it’s healthy and fun to live on a tiny budget.

Then I snap and consequently go bananas. I don’t indulge in what would be characterized as a shopping spree by, say, someone with a salary and a penny saved for a rainy day, but still I hit the town. This week I hit that point and suddenly I found myself outside of Zara’s with a new jacket. Two days later I find myself going out with friends from work, enjoying a delicious aperetivo (buffet food with a drink), going to a concert and subsequently sharing a cab home. I think I spent what pitiful funds I managed to save while being in my spartan pre-denial phase. Damn!

But it was fun. The concert (Jamie Lidell, a British artist who plays really cool soul funky music) was good but the atmosphere was even better. I laughed myself silly at the stupid jokes told by my Swedish colleagues and the Great Dane (the new intern), shouted ‘get a room!’ with everyone else at the amorous and lip-locked couple in front, sang along and danced to the music.

So what is more important? The immediate gratification that comes from buying new clothes, the buzz that comes from shared beers and jokes with colleagues who become your friends – or abiding the feasible-but-strict budget that sees you through to tomorrow??

I don’t want to know, and don’t want to think about it. As I said, I’m in denial. Right now I am carefully reading the Guardian’s list of 1000 sci-fi and fantasy books everyone must read. It’s just as well I can’t buy stuff online at work, otherwise I would’ve bought 498 of the books by now. Nothing complements denial like a sci-fi classic as a gift to oneself!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/jan/22/1000-novels-fiction-fantasy-introduction

Enjoy, and have a good weekend!

Random

Just some random thoughts from your Rome correspondent...

My head is buzzing from too much caffeine and too much talking on my part. My phone still isn't fixed and my trust in my oh so Swedish ergo reliable phone company has been shaken. Can't they just provide me with a code so I can unlock my phone?

I had a nice but kind of slow weekend. I bumped into a guy from work. I have a crush on him. He sends out mixed signals. He makes me confused. After I met him I ran into Zara and almost bought a beautiful jacket, just as a pick-me-up (I think I tried to transfer the crush on the guy to an inanimate object). I didn't have the cash for it so in the end I walked from the store empty-handed. Poor me, without man nor jacket (on sale, reduced to 49 Euro - the jacket, not the guy).

Things are slowly picking up at work but modern technology and I ca fait deux so when I need to do simple things (like opening an excel sheet) my computer puts up a struggle. So far it's winning.

The new intern is orphaned, no one in the upper echelons has the time for him. I have taken it upon myself to show him the ropes because a) let's be honest here, I'm not exactly swamped with work and b) he's so cute - he's practically the bees' knees.

Yesterday my flatmate woke me up with the announcement that we had no water. I got dressed, looked up the Italian words for 'Do you have water in your tap Madam?', and preceded to knock on our neighbours' doors. It turned out that the work carried out in the street had cut us off so no one in the building had water.. They solved it surprisingly fast though. Weird day.

Later on in the evening my flatmate L Skyped with her family intensely. Her middle daughter had walked out and disappeared after a row with her dad so they were all worried, especially my flatmate since she's on the other side of the world basically. They found the daughter in the end and now all is well but I could see how hard the whole thing was for L. It was a maudlin' evening. When I see how much my flatmate cares for her children I miss my mother! Really, some unconditional motherly love is what I could use right now. And an updated version of Excel but let's not be greedy here.

Happy weekend

My cell phone has locked itself (noone can call me) but I'm thankful because it's Friday.
We have a new intern at work. I have a new intern at work!

Ciao ragazzi!

Can't stop joking

So today (don't I always start these rantings with "so today"?) I talked to the new boss of our unit, the new matron of this happy little family of reporting officers. She's American. She's nice. She's got a lot of influence. She laughs a lot, and I know that because I can't seem to stop joking when I'm around her. I do that when I'm around many people here. I do it when I'm nervous. Or bored. Or understimulated. Or happy. Or c) all of the above.And I'm not sure whether that makes a good impression or not. My guess would be no. On the other hand, I'm quite good at it (though not as sharp as my middle sister) and I don't hink I appear nervous or self-deprecating while doing it. I do succeed in making people laugh. It's a nice quality but I don't think it's an express lane to any future prospects in the serious corporate world. Anyway, our short meeting was nice but a bit bewildering. Maybe I could have hinted GIVE ME A JOB I NEED THE BLOODY INCOME a bit more but hey that's still not my forte.

Tonight I'm providing vocals again for my old supervisor and his band (a fellow colleague who is also in the band try to name the band "The Squeaky Wheels" - I love it, the others don't); that's my forte!

Melancholy oyster girl

Uurgh. Having a melancholy day already and I've haven't even been awake for 3 hours yet.. That's the price I pay for skipping breakfast? No that's a lousy theory.

Things are going to pick up at work, this is the "calm before the storm" as my old boss puts it. The storm is set to begin really soon, within the week. Ironically, being so close to the finish line (the busy times at work), I am now in the mood to bugger it all and just go home to Sweden. As you can tell I am having a "square peg round hole" kind of day today. I think it started when walking from the train to the office this morning. A workmate asked me what I wanted to do once my internship is over. I had really no clue what to answer but as that doesn't fly very well in this kind of place I had to say something so I blathered on about me wanting to work with, uh, environmental issues. "Governmental or NGO-approach?" was the follow-up question. "Uuuh.. I want to work with the environment.. but not hug trees.. ". Not a stellar response.

So why am I letting this get to me today then? I've known for quite some time that I don't have any clear career goals besides being able to pay back my massive debts and loans. I have also known for quite some time that I'm not overly ambitious, and that I don't care about getting a bigger piece of the pie. In fact I sometimes despise the zero-sum division of the pie. I don't even care for pie. My point is that I know all this - and still it can ruin my Tuseday mood? Well maybe it's got to do with the weather. Maybe I miss my mother's cooking. Maybe I can't handle idleness as well as I thought I could. Perhaps I was cut out for something more creative than this. Possibly I need to eat more for breakfast.

I'm not being very productive here.

S.O.S

My computer is like, totally dead. I'm writing this at work from the internet cafe that I had forgotten existed. This office is great man, it has its own post office, two banks,an internet cafe, a cafeteria and a coffee bar, one formal and one informal library, a newsstand, a tailor and a doctor. NOW ONLY IF IT COULD HAVE SOM FRICKING IT SERVICE!!!!!

What's more is that it's quite embarrassing to be shut out from your computer and therefore your duties.. and no one notices. Incentive to go to work any one?

Well. Have a good weekend everyone. I know I'm going to, I've just borrowed a cheesy romance novel and Kafka's Metamorphosis - interesting mix for an interesting person like me.

Ciao!

I envy that.

I talked to my Swedish colleague S yesterday, asking her about her holiday back home. Her description mirrored my own experience of holidays and traditions in general. Her family is Muslim so they don't really celebrate Christmas, but they've also stopped celebrating the Eid Al Fatr so the end result is that they don't really do, or in if you take it one step further, believe in anything at all (as in, believing in something thus upholding or recognizing it) this time of year. It's the same with me. Christmas is not really relevant anymore, but Chanukka isn't observed by me or my family either - so you end up with little ado about nothing. And this at a time when everyone else, Protestant, Catholic or you name it, is going holiday bananas.

And it keeps on in a similar vain - Pesach, Easter, Midsummer... I don't make a fuss about anything, which is weird in a way. Is it the same thing as nothing is important? Now I'm not saying that just because regular secularised yet Protestant Swedes (as an example) deck the halls with bows of holly they also believe in the birth of Christ, or that it's even related to Him. You can celebrate Christmas in a eating-and-shopping way that is quite detached from religion these days (less true in Italy though). The point I'm trying to make here is that that religiously detached consumerist stuff-yourself-with-stuffing-holiday is celebrated with religious fervor by most people, thus giving them something to uphold and look forward to, something that is kinda sacred and important.

Christmas/Chanukka/Eid/Kwanzaa is still the opportunity to meet up with your family and eat and be merry so I'm not complaining. I miss the weight of traditions, that's all.

Smelly New Year

It's unimaginative to start 2009's blogging with a link to what someone else wrote but I think this man is very funny. He is a columnist at the Guardian and he writes about what we can expect from 2009:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jan/05/ch

My flatmate L ventured in to the kitchen yesterday evening, heated some oil in a saucepan and added rice, and then apparently forgot all about it and went in to her room. The smoke coming out of that kitchen! The state of the saucepan! My clothes hanging out to dry in the living room!

Smelly.