a book that makes a difference

I have just been downstairs for my usual 9.15 coffee with workmates (today it was celebratory coffee). The coffee was good, the spirits high. Sitting next to me at the table was a British guy, H, a very educated, well-spoken, sophisticated young man. He's the BBC, the monarchy, the pompousness and effortless self-confidence of the UK, all rolled up into one person. And he starts telling me (in front of people I consider my friends) that my English is quite hard to understand. Apparently my accent is 30% British interspersed with Swedish intonation, all spoken very fast. He's probably correct about me speaking too fast sometimes, and I do have an English accent while being inescapably Swedish. But it was the way he said it. I felt a horrible blush set up camp on my face. He's done this to me before, exclaiming that my English was old-fashioned and quirky (I was reading Lady Chatterley's lover at the time) - and always in front of people. Which of course leaves me feeling self-conscious and awkward. But.

When I was in Sweden for the weekend my good friend E thrust a book in my hands, demanding that I should take it back home and read it. And so I did. The book is basically about self-esteem and self-confidence, and the difference in between those two. I realise that in a lot of situations I have a solid (not so say grand) sense of self-confidence, but at the same time my self-esteem hangs in the balance, all too dependent on what people think of me. The scenario today with H is usually one of those where I laugh it off in front off people and then feel insecure about it afterwards, resenting the person who said the offensive comment in question. But no today. I'm gonna go aalll self-help book on H's ass (and everybody else's ass), turn the other cheek and not feel slighted. Who cares about my English, spoken or written? Who needs to compete for the title of smartest person in WFP? Not me! Starting from now I'm going to work on boosting my self-esteem. So there, H.